Before stepping up to the marathon, I had been running competitively for over 10 years. I started with 1500m/3000m on the track and short races in cross country. As I got older, I shifted my focus towards longer races. The longer the race, the more competitive I got. As I achieved some major personal goals in 2021 and 2022 over the “shorter” distances (1500m to 10,000m), the time had come to set new goals. With the belief that my biggest potential lied in the longer distances, the only event I still had to tackle, was the marathon.
The thing that attracts me most about the marathon is the mental state it requires to stay focused for such a long time. A 1500m is over in a heartbeat. Everybody who trains regularly can run 5K or 10K, because there is no time for your mind to really start doubting yourself. The marathon however, is a 2hrs+ conversation between your mind and body to stay as close to your limits for as long as possible. When in doubt, that conversation can shift towards quitting very fast. Everyone who runs a marathon, is willing to take on that internal dialogue. I deemed it time for me to take on this huge challenge.
During my first marathon preparation before Seville 2023, I already knew I made the right call to shift my focus to the marathon. I just loved having such a focused mind towards a goal that both excited and terrified me. The days before the marathon, I reminded myself to be proud of the effort I put into the preparation, whatever the final result might be. I had worked so hard for this. I had redefined for myself what training hard meant. Sometimes I felt so exhausted, that we were contemplating whether to even start the workout. More often than not, the body kind of woke up during the first few miles of a long marathon session. I could come home from a long run around noon, and had to force myself to eat something. I’d only start to feel better after hours of laying on the couch. It was a kind of exhaustion I had never experienced before, and was not sure whether this was normal fatigue during marathon training, or just plain overtraining. It was definitely a fine line to walk, but I was aiming for something so big that we felt we had to take some calculated risks. The thing that worried me the most, was the emotional tiredness. I wasn’t able to connect with people like I normally would. I’m usually pretty optimistic and positive, but during the last few weeks of marathon training, my mind went kind of numb. I wasn’t sad or depressed. It just felt like I was very neutral about everything, and I didn’t like that at all. It was, however, only temporary. After the marathon, the mind and body could rest and recover, and I felt like myself again. And every marathon build, this extreme exhaustion has become less and less dominant.
Even before stepping onto the starting line, I felt I had learned so much about myself. I finished workouts that scared the crap out of me, and I think I completed them by not feeling sorry for myself. I chose to set myself this goal, and now I had to do the work needed to at least try to succeed. I found something that I’m willing to go for, and that I’m passionate about. The alternative, a life without passion, is unacceptable to me. Pursuing a passion inevitably comes with the pressure and the doubts.
Going into my marathon debut, I had two goals. The first one was to finish it. I never ran more than 35K in preparation, so even for me, finishing the distance was something I looked forward to! I wanted to see what my legs could do on the day, and accept the result that came with it. It helped me to go into that race with a clear mind, and a relaxed body. I told myself I was allowed to be unsuccessful. The marathon is such a brutal race, that it’s no shame to fail. Secondly, I wanted to run a smart race. You need to practice patience in this event, and execute your race intelligently. If you go out too hard, you will inevitably fall back and your whole preparation is wasted. Pace yourself, fuel well and stay relaxed for as long as you can. Some minor mistakes aside, I had a great first encounter with the marathon. I felt strong until 37-38km and then I was able to grind to the finish line, running 2 hours 9 minutes and 31 seconds.
After my debut marathon in Seville came the hardest part: doing it all over again, but faster this time!
