The storm has passed. A calmness has returned, and with that, a lot of time to think. First of all, the silence reminds me that this “Paris story” is now written, nothing to add, nothing to do to change the final outcome. It’s been an amazing ride, but it’s over. A story that has occupied my mind almost completely for the last two years.

It would be easiest to just close this chapter as fast as possible, shut off every thought coming in, find a new goal and go again! But I don’t believe that is the best way to get back into it, and definitely not the best way to build a long, sustainable career. It’s vital to acknowledge that this goal – the Paris Olympics – was so huge, that the sense of urgency, that all-consuming drive I experienced, might not come back very easily – maybe ever. Everything changes all the time. That crazy, naive idea of making the Olympics has now become a reality, a memory. Fantasizing about other races doesn’t nearly give me the same exhilaration as thinking about Paris did. That might come back, it might not. I still love this sport, but I will nonetheless have to find a new way to chase goals. And I think I have found it. In fact, it has always been my ultimate motivator.

I have realized along the way that I am not hyper-competitive. I’m not in this sport to win at all costs. I love winning, don’t get me wrong. But it’s not as much about beating others, as it is about proving to myself that I’ve prepared well and have become a better runner.

I believe that a lot of athletes think about it this way. This sport is so brutally tough that we respect everyone who chooses to be in this game. But there will always be someone better or faster. Winning can be an end result, a consequence of the dedication during the preparation. But searching for satisfaction in winning, is putting that power in control of others. I don’t have control over how others prepare, or how they perform on the day.

I don’t have problems with losing, and my ego doesn’t take a hit after a failed race. However, I do have a curious mind. How can I keep improving? Race tactics, nutrition, biomechanics, psychology, … Marathon running is a never-ending search for excellence, for small but tangible improvements. And this is where my drive will come from: curiosity. Being a student of the sport, if you will.

The curiosity to explore true potential, knowing that it can never be fully reached. That, to me, is more exciting than any possible end result. If that ends up being a personal best or medal, then great! But anyhow, the beauty is in the search for that potential.